


promises

by BombsAreForBabies



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Sakura, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Haruno Sakura-centric, Sakura is pissed off, Valley of the End, y u do dis Sasuke???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-09-09 05:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8877898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BombsAreForBabies/pseuds/BombsAreForBabies
Summary: It's her first kiss and Naruto's last. She promises him that she will bring Sasuke home. It's his dying wish, after all.(Naruto bleeds out faster than the kyuubi can heal him. Sakura learns that being a ninja is more than fancy jutsu and fun.Sasuke does not know that he just killed his best friend and turned his most loyal comrade into his worst enemy.)





	1. a kiss goodnight

Sakura is trained by Tsunade, but the Hokage is a busy woman. Kakashi also helps her, but he has missions that he needs to go on, especially after the increase of incapacitated shinobi brought on by the invasion from the Chunin Exams. So, when she has nothing to do, she does not just relax; she trains as much as possible. Until she bleeds, because then she can practice her healing and try over again. Until she can barely hold up a kunai, because she needs endurance if she is going to survive long enough to keep her promise.

  
Maybe, before, when she was naive and hopeful, she would sit back and take a break, but not anymore. The life of a shinobi was shown to her, and she will not back down from it.

  
She will run fist first into the flames, and come out the other side with only smoke and cinders left behind her. Haruno Sakura will become a name that is respected and feared throughout the nations, and then she will be worthy enough to honor the one that she visits every day.

  
“Naruto…” Her voice trails off as she brushes her fingertips across the letters that have been carved into cold stone. “...I will bring him home for you.”

  
.

  
It starts with Sakura following Kakashi as he leaves.

  
When Sakura goes with Kakashi to see what has happened, she wishes that she had decided to stay back in Konoha.

  
There is a boy with his chest ripped open, and a faint twitching inside of it that she soon recognizes as his exposed heart. Somehow, he is still breathing. His mouth moves, and both her and their sensei gather close to hear his last words.

  
“I'm sorry I couldn't keep my word, Sakura.” He coughs, and she can literally see his insides straining to extend his life until he is finished talking. “But… Promise me you'll bring the bastard back? For me; not for anybody else, so please, don't look so guilty.” He tries to reach for her, but he is shuddering too much.

  
She leans down and gives him the kiss that he has always wanted from her. Into his lips, she whispers her oath. “I promise, Naruto.”

  
The last exhale of his lungs tastes like a sun setting over the horizon.

  
.

  
Everybody else survives, and that is a miracle. She can only watch as Ino clings to her teammates, sobbing into their shoulders as they try not to do the same.

  
_I could have stopped him, if only…_ Her mind knows that it is not true, that he would have gone no matter what she had said. _Then why do I feel so guilty?_

  
She is sitting alone in the hospital visiting area, and has to stop looking at so many happy and relieved faces before she cries. It's not fair, because Naruto had worked so hard and he had never hesitated to give those same kinds of warm smiles to people. Even after all of the stupid things that were said to him, he smiled.

  
Sakura is not brave enough to smile for others, let alone herself.

  
A touch to her shoulder jolts her from her thoughts. Not sure if she wants to be thankful or angry with the person, she just turns around to glance at them with a completely neutral look on her face.

  
Kakashi looks just as wrecked as she is. The small portion of his face that she can see is enough to tell that he blames himself for this. Guilt practically rolls off of him in waves. She motions for him to sit beside her.

  
What is left of Team Seven quietly mourns.

  
.

  
“I want to learn how to heal.” The words come out of her mouth with a false bravado that everybody can see through. An older man with white hair sits in a chair, by the window of the Hokage’s office. Sakura thinks that she remembers Naruto talking about him. Jiraiya, that's his name. “I can come back another time.”

  
“You're his teammate.” The mane of hair shifts, and Sakura thinks that the tattoos on his face look like tears. She nods. His breath comes out as a shudder. “Okay.”

  
The door does not slam behind him, but she can tell that more force than necessary is used to close it.

  
Tsunade is tired. Even with her jutsu, she looks older. The bags under her eyes speak louder than any words could. She blames herself too, Sakura realizes. Everybody is blaming themselves, and she hates it. Even though her heart is under constant constraint and guilt pounds through her veins, she knows that it is not anybody’s fault.

  
None of them put a fist straight through Naruto’s chest. Her hands clench, and she knows that she wants to be able to break as much as put together. The violence of it does not bother her, not since she kissed a boy who bled for a team that was not there with him.

  
“Teach me how to fight too.” Sakura uses demanding words, but the way they come tumbling out of her mouth is anything but. Soon her voice is nothing but a whisper. “Please. I should have been there to heal him, _protect_ him.”

  
.

  
( _I taught him that jutsu. Sensei, I am so sorry. Obito, Rin, I couldn't save you and I couldn't save sensei’s son. I have failed you._ )

  
( _I let him go. Dan, Nawaki, he was so much like you. He was going to become Hokage someday, but now he can't._ )

  
( _I should have stopped him, I should have fought to make him stay. My crush couldn't save either of their hearts._ )

  
.

  
The funeral is attended by less than two dozen people. A boy has died by the hand of a comrade, to bring him back to a village that won't even show up to honor his sacrifice.

  
The service is short, and the grave is marked by only a small rock. Sakura thinks that she heard Tsunade mention that it was to prevent grave desecration, and she wishes for the thousandth that she was only strong enough to stop Sasuke before he even left.

  
It starts raining, and eventually everyone leaves. All alone in the downpour, Sakura falls to her knees. Her sniffles betray her attempts to keep the tears from falling down her face. _Shinobi don't cry!_

  
“It's okay, you know.” Kakashi squats down, an umbrella in hand. It covers the both of them, and now she can't hide the mist in her eyes. Looking over at her teacher, she sees that neither can he. “Sometimes, we need to cry. Never become so hardened that you can't cry.”

  
He hugs her, and they're both soaking and she is sobbing. It's bone crushing and she knows that her snot is running down what is probably his one good outfit. She can feel his tears staining her shirt just as much.

  
.

  
Sakura goes down to the memorial stone, where Naruto's name was carved. It's strange how he said he wanted his name to be on that stone, the first time they were a team. Life's irony is no longer funny to her, nowadays it is more of a cruel joke.

  
When she gets there, she sees somebody else.

  
“Kakashi-sensei?”

  
He turns around, and his eyebrow is raised. “Sakura? What are you doing here?” She points to the memorial, and he nods. Coming to stand beside him, she realizes that he is totally relaxed. He must stand here a lot, and she wonders who he has lost. Many, probably. If this is the fate of a shinobi, then… She will make sure that she can prevent as much of this as possible.

  
.

  
They just stand in silence for a long time. Sakura doesn’t know what to think, other than apologies. Eventually she starts to tell Naruto things that she thinks he would enjoy hearing; even if she feels ridiculous, it actually helps.

  
When she finds herself in the same spot two hours later, she knows that she will never yell at Kakashi for being late again.


	2. bonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like everything I touch turns to angst.
> 
> Also, where the hell is this going????

Team Seven is not disbanded, per se. Sakura is still Kakashi’s student, and Kakashi is still Sakura’s sensei. They do not meet as much and Sakura has other teachers now, but there is bond between them that neither are willing to give up.

  
Sakura has great chakra control, and by practicing and using jutsu she learns how to restrain it while slowly growing her chakra pools. It is arduous work, but at the end of the day she is proud of herself.

  
Every morning she tells Naruto what she has been doing, and how he would have been so much more enthusiastic about it. He was always determined; he never gave up.

  
“I'm learning to be half as stubborn as you were.” Sakura lets out a laugh that is half air and half tears. Her next words are whispered through a constricting throat. “I miss you, Naruto. So damn much.”

  
.

  
Kakashi-sensei is the one who makes her a ninja, rather than a myriad of techniques squished together. He works her relentlessly and does not let her give up until she accomplishes her goal, or is incapable of doing so without risking injury. It is good, even though it hurts.

  
Every time her muscles feel sore, they feel stronger. Every time her breathing is shallow and rapid, her lungs feel deeper and clearer. Every time she trains, she is one step closer to her goal.

  
There is an understanding between the two that has never been there before. The first time she looks up at Kakashi and sees a true mentor, as opposed to a lazy sensei who has put the bare minimum into teaching, it is a shock. They are standing at the memorial stone just after the sun has started peeking out from behind the horizon, and neither says anything. But that does not mean her revelation goes unnoticed.

  
A gloved hand ruffling her hair means more than words ever could.

  
.

  
Sakura brings a fish back from ‘death’ before she comprehends exactly what she has done. The thing flops around, and there is a sense of success bubbling in her chest. It was by no means easy, but there was an instinct there, guiding her.

  
Life and death go hand in hand, and Sakura feels more balanced than ever before. She has not had much training yet; still, there is a thrumming under her skin that feels like accomplishment.

  
Tsunade puts a stern hand on her shoulder and squeezes just a little, in affection. Both of them wish that people were as easy to revive as fish.

  
.

  
It is a surprise when Shizune joins her as she hurls weapons at targets. The woman is so quiet next to her larger-than-life mentor, and Sakura hates to admit that she has almost forgotten her existence.

  
Something about her is reminiscent of tales about the kunoichi of the past. She is petite, she wears a kimono more often than not, and she does not regularly speak unless addressed. There are also callouses on her hands, scars covered by makeup, a glint of danger in her wide eyes.

  
Sakura stares for a second, and the next there are three senbon in the bullseye of the target. When she goes to take them and return them to Shizune, the woman stops her. “They're coated in… well, you don't want to touch it.” Sakura stares, as Shizune rips them out barehanded.

  
She turns to Sakura and continues. “I can help you, if you want. When I'm not busy keeping Tsunade from escaping her paperwork…” The last part is a grumble that Sakura feels she should not have heard.

  
.

  
Sakura learns to be overt as well as subtle, like she learns to break bones and to mend them.

  
.

  
“Sakura!” The voice that yells is one she recognizes as Ino. Sakura does not know how her former friend even feels about her anymore. She did, after all, let one comrade die and another turn traitor. Turning around she expects a glare or a pout or anything but what she receives.

  
Arms engulf her in a hug, and she almost falls backwards. Hesitant hands grasp Ino’s back, and suddenly Sakura is sobbing into the crevice made by her shoulder and neck.

  
.

  
They go to eat lunch when Sakura finally calms down. Only after being seated opposite her friend, does Sakura speak. “I’m sorry,” she has no idea if she is apologizing to Ino, the world in general, or to Naruto, “I couldn't…”

  
“Shut up, forehead.” The tone is sharp, but in a strained sort of way. Looking up, Sakura sees the way Ino’s eyebrows are scrunches and her lips are turned into a frown. “It's not.” Sakura feels a _flick_ on her forehead. “Your.” _Flick_. “Fault!” _Flick_. They look each other in the eyes, for the first time in a long while, and it is obvious that Ino is trying hard to understand.

  
“Okay.” Both pretend to believe what she says. Her voice is scratchy, a combination of waking from nightmares screaming and not speaking to people. Most of her communication tended to be silent nowadays.

  
.

  
Sakura takes D-ranks, as long as it does not involve catching the daimyo’s wife’s cat. Painting fences, weeding flowerbeds, delivering things from point A to point B, it is all fairly mindless and relaxing. She even makes a few acquaintances with her clients, which is a surprisingly effective way to get the village gossip. People love blabbering on, even if they know Sakura is not really paying attention to them.

  
She is organizing shelves of pre-made explosive tags when she hears it.

  
“Yeah, that fox kid. What was the name? Namuto? No, Naruto, yeah, well…” Her ears perk up at the mention of her friend’s name. “Heard that it bit the dust. The Uchiha’s gone though… but hell, I don't blame him. If my son were on a team with _that_ , I-!”

  
The speaker is cut short. Sakura has a tag in her hand, with her palm against the forehead of the woman who called Naruto an _it_. The man who she was talking to starts to back away, but the lady grabs his wrist before he can escape without her.

  
“Leave. Now.” Sakura has never heard her voice sound so cold before. She watches as the two people scamper away, then looks down at the blank sheet of paper in her hands. A feeling of grey washes over her, and she leaves, telling the shop owner that he does not have to pay her.

  
When she gets to the small rock with _Uzumaki Naruto_ written in it, she lets herself break down into tears. Her sobs are ugly and loud, nothing like the dainty ones on drama shows, but they are all she has.

  
.

  
The sun dyes the sky a blue and orange as it comes up, and it is so painful to watch. She watches anyways, and lets her fingers slide over stone that is slightly wet from the morning dew.

  
“Does it ever get easier?”

  
“I still ask myself the same thing, sometimes.”


	3. the small things matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no real idea as to how this is going to work. But that's the process for all of my fics.

__Kakashi has somehow become Sakura’s confidante, which is saying something. Times when they are not busy, which are far and few between, Sakura is more often than not by his side. Mostly he trains her, and there is an unspoken language in that. Rarely they talk, yet the few words they do exchange have meaning behind them.

  
If they are not training, she follows behind as he buys tools and books, but she learns a surprising amount from him. How to tell which kunai is a little bit better, telling the difference between editions of Icha Icha by observing the subtle differences in the ink. Although the last one did get them kicked out of a store, it also helps her observe and take note of things with a keener eye.

  
Still, they spend time with others. It's just that there is an understanding between them not present in their other relationships. Both wish that they could trade it in exchange for things going back to how they were. But, naïveté has no place in a shinobi’s mind. The only person she knows that could pull being so innocent off is dead.

  
.

  
_His heart is beating, but the only reason she knows is because she can see it in his exposed chest._

_  
Ba-thump, ba-thump._

_  
Those are the only indications that her friend is alive. She sticks her hands, covered by a green glow, into the cage that his ribs make._

_  
Ba-thump, ba-thump._

_  
Despite her efforts, the blood keeps flowing and flowing and flowing, until she almost gives up. But…-_

_  
Ba-thump, ba-thump._

_  
-But the blood stops and the skin around his chest seals back up and she is hugging him._

_  
“Naruto!” She buries her head in his shoulder and rocks back and forth._

_  
A hand weakly pats her back, comforting her. “You saved me, Sakura.” His smile is like sunshine breaking through the desolate rainclouds._

  
She wakes up with tears on her face and unable to muster up the energy to wipe them away.

  
.

  
Sakura is sitting with Ino and the rest of Team Ten. The conversation is mindless and innocent, so far from what she has gotten used to these past weeks. At one point Shikamaru falls asleep, and Ino shoves him awake. He lands right into Chouji’s plate and the food spills all over Ino. The whole team starts to argue, but with no real aggression in it; they argue like old friends.

  
Asuma, who is the one paying for all of this, just looks at Sakura. He motions towards the three and rolls his eyes, cigarette hanging loosely between his lips.

  
For the first time in a long while, Sakura laughs. She laughs like a child, something which she has not felt like in forever.

  
.

  
Later in the afternoon, it fully sinks in. Sakura laughed, and Naruto wasn't there to experience it with her. She knows that what she is feeling is unjustified, but she still makes a turn down a side street.

  
It starts raining.

  
( _Ba-thump_.)

  
.

  
The rain is heavy as it pelts down on the village. Most have gone inside their houses, a safe haven against the cold and wet outdoors. Sakura stands in the middle of a field, looking at a stone that was erected for the sole purpose of immortalizing the honorable deaths of their shinobi.

  
_You're allowed to laugh_. It still feels like she's betraying him, even if she knows differently. If he were here, Naruto would tell her that he is glad she can laugh, that she should laugh more. She knows that she did not betray his memory because she laughed at one stupid thing, but she still feels like she did. Just knowing does nothing to alleviate the heaviness she feels in her chest.

  
A hand curls around her shoulder. It is a sudden break from her thoughts, but she does not flinch nor turn around. She knows the touch, and she knows who is standing beside her. “I'll walk you back to your house.” Sakura can hear the ‘ _I know this pain too_ ’ in his words.

  
“Thanks, Kakashi-sensei.”

  
.

  
Tsunade is a harsh teacher, but in a different way than Kakashi. While he is stern and mostly silent, she is harsh and verbal. Before, Sakura would have quit under the treatment. Now, she recognizes the loss in the Hokage’s eyes. Sakura does not ask who else she has lost, just nods in understanding after each yell at her to _not flinch_ , or _put her weight into it._

  
The woman wants to make Sakura into something strong enough to withstand a hit, yet flexible enough so as not to become a brittle glass cannon. One strong blow is all it takes for great warriors to fall, and it is almost never a physical one that truly fells them.

  
Sakura vows to not let herself fall.

  
Not until she makes good on her promise.

  
.

  
The first thing Shizune teaches her is how to extract poison from her body without affecting the nearby areas. It is hard, much harder than getting a fish’s heart to beat again, but the ability is a necessary one. Especially if she is going to be working even halfway as closely with toxins as Shizune. Dying because of one wrong move and a lack of training is foolish.

  
She manages to pick out the poison and tug it out, although she ends up taking some blood as well. It is not enough to matter to a person, but Sakura glares at the little red mixed with the rest.

  
Shizune pats her head, and tells her that she is doing spectacularly for somebody so young, that it usually takes twice as long for people to learn. Sakura still stares at the minuscule dots of crimson. They almost look like eyes, gazing at her with a cold indifference.

  
.

  
Occasionally, Sakura is passed around from team to team, training with every other member of the Rookie Nine at one point or another. (Rookie Seven now, and isn't that ironic?)

  
Judging from the looks of the jonin leaders, she is allowed in on these sessions mostly out of pity. Even the other kids are walking on eggshells around her. But, as long as she gets to train with them and they don't hold back in spars, she is okay with it. Sakura wants to learn, and she is not about to deny herself that opportunity out of pride.

  
.

  
In trying to perfect a taijutsu form that Asuma showed them, Sakura ends up with a nasty scratch on her leg. The plant that nicked her leaves its needle-like growths stuck in her skin, and she can feel the burn of a rash approaching already.

  
She removes the needles from her leg and puts her hand up to the cuts. Slowly, she extracts the tainted blood from her system and closes the wound. While not skilled enough to extract the mild poison alone, sacrificing a few extra drops of blood is worth the practice and experience. She notices that there is less red mixed in, but she still frowns.

  
“Hm.” Sakura turns around and sees Asuma standing behind her. Smoke lazily trails off into the sky and his usually laid back demeanor is gone. “I think I know the perfect thing for you.”

  
.

  
“A C-rank, huh?”

  
Kakashi squats beside where Sakura sits on the ground.

  
She nods, toeing at her bag. Her foot accidentally brushes against the cold stone of the memorial. Every day she sits here, and it will feel strange for her to spend time away from the village and her routine. _And Naruto._

  
She had found a routine, one held together by pure stubbornness. And now she is afraid to lose it, even if only for a few days. Just as she starts to feel like herself again…

  
There is a hand on her shoulder, and it squeezes lightly. She turns to face Kakashi, and is met with an unfurled bandana instead of his face. The henohenomoheji stares at her, and she can hear her sensei speak from behind it.

  
“For the road?” He holds it out.

  
It's stupid and small and useless, and it makes Sakura the happiest she has been in a while. “Thank you, sensei.” Tears reserved for small, important joys run down her cheeks. She hugs Kakashi, for once not out of shared mourning. He is stiff at first, but he slowly brings his hands up to embrace the crying thirteen year old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed a little bit of something between all of the angst.


	4. compass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back.
> 
> Sorry it's been so long, but I've had some reminders of an experience that comes much too close to the themes of this fic. I had to take a break.
> 
> Sorry if this is clunky, I need to get back into the groove after so long.

The sun is too bright; it has been for weeks, rising and falling without remorse. _It's so unfair._ Sakura breathes deeply, clutching at her bandana so hard that her knuckles turn white.

She is two minutes late, but nobody is at the village gates yet. Maybe waking up extra early to go to her usual vigil was pointless. Not that she regrets doing it, because this is going to be her first time really outside of the village since Naruto was alive and she needed the time to speak to him before she left.

Sakura had stood over his grave for more hours than usual, promising him over and over and over again.

_I will bring him back, Naruto._

.

Team Gai arrives eventually. There is a flicker of something like surprise on Gai’s face when he sees her. She cannot help but think that he was expecting her to show up late, if at all. The man hides it behind a bright smile and a thumbs up; it is more subdued than his usual antics.

“We are to bring this most Youthful book of recipes to an Aspiring chef who lives in a border town!” His voice booms, and she can practically hear the capitalization of certain words. It's impressive as well as a bit intimidating. “Sakura-chan here will be joining us in place of the usual medic-nin that accompany trips to and over Fire Country borders.”

Sakura bows, her slight inclination enough for her bright locks of hair to get in her face. Brushing the strands away, she realizes that she can put her hair into a small ponytail. It surprises her, that enough time has passed by for her to notice the growth.

It is a small thing to most, but all that Sakura can think of is how Naruto was alive when she last cut her hair. Naruto was alive, she knew beyond a doubt that Sasuke had a soul, and everything was _good_. A half-inch of hair between then and now, and it feels like too little and too much at the same time.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a low voice. “Tie the hair up.” It's a blunt command, but there is a certain twinge of empathy wrapped in the words also. Sakura raises her eyes to look at the speaker.

Neji looks as tired as her.

.

The trip there is mostly uneventful. Nothing like her last C-rank mission, thankfully. Sakura has had enough of seeing her comrades bleed out for a lifetime, and she knows that she will see even more. Just, not right now.

Leaves do not crunch underneath their sandals; they are trained to not make noise. Sakura wonders when she last heard the crinkle of autumn. It is instinct, but one that she has not really noticed until now. _He was always loud enough that we wouldn't have heard the footsteps anyways._

They really are ghosts, leaving no evidence of their existence behind.

Sakura tries to adjust the bandana Kakashi gave her, yet the stray strands of pink fall through. She lets go when she feels Neji take the cloth and adjust it for her.

“Thanks.”

There is a pause, then, “You're welcome.”

.

A tiredness lies over the whole team, and Sakura knows it is in part because of her. She is a reminder of a comrade lost, and promises broken. She does not begrudge them; they do not do it on purpose. Her team is, was, somewhat infamous and now the forgotten one is the last person standing. The circumstance is an odd one.

There is irony there, and Sakura hates it.

.

Camp is set up for the night, and Sakura takes the first lookout shift. It is not as if she will be able to sleep without either exhausting herself or having nightmares. She will take exhaustion any day of the week.

There is a rustling from behind her and she whirls around with a kunai gripped in her hand. She lowers it as soon as she sees that it is only Neji. He walks over and sits beside her, gazing into nothing for a while before he speaks.

“He forced me to believe in a fate that I alone make,” a sigh, as heavy as Sakura’s own, “But now, I don't know what to believe.”

Sakura really _looks_ at Neji. His aloof and reserved personality is gone, leaving only a directionless boy with bags under his milky eyes. Neji only knew him for a short amount of time, but in that time Naruto became his compass to go by. All too soon was he taken away; Sakura does not envy him, for all of his brilliance. She does not know what to do with his sudden openness, but she has to say something.

“Fate doesn't exist,” her voice is rough and harsh, “if things were already written, good people wouldn't have to die.”

_He would still be alive._

They sit in silence, wondering if the universe really can be that cruel. When the time comes for her shift to end, Sakura hears Neji.

“Thank you.” His tone is reluctant and awkward. She knows that he will be closed off like usual by the time the sun comes up.

.

“Thank you so much! My family’s secret recipes have been passed down for generations, and I had no idea how I was going to get them since I moved away!” The chipper man clutches Gai-sensei’s hands between his own as he gushes joy.

“You are very welcome! I am just glad that you are keeping your Family Traditions alive and Youthful!”

Being who he is, Gai does not register how loud the both of them are. His team, plus Sakura, edge away from him to spare their eardrums.

They leave the next day. All in all, it is an uneventful mission. Sakura just wonders when it will all go downhill; nothing in her world ends simply with a pat on the shoulder and a job well done.

.

The trip back is as quiet as it can get with Gai and Lee on the team. Sakura walks beside Neji and wonders how many people her friend had touched in his short life. She wishes that she had learned something from him when he was alive. But all she has is hindsight and a grave to visit.


	5. contemplation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, my motivation is returning. Thanks to hanareader for being inspired by me, and inspiring me to keep inspiring you guys.

“This isn't like visiting father’s grave,” Neji mutters, but loud enough that they both know Sakura can hear him. She wonders if his sudden openness is for her or the boy in the ground. Maybe both.

There is silence; Sakura does not know what it's like to lose a parent. She would offer comfort, but she has a feeling that is not what Neji wants. They are alike in that aspect, preferring to sit by his grave, reflecting on the past in silence rather than with words. Sakura doubts this is healthy, but they are shinobi. Shinobi are never healthy.

.

Sakura knows her sensei’s presence by now, and anticipates the hand curling around her shoulder. There is no noise except for the wind blowing in the trees. It is calming. Not in a peaceful or content way though; more of the numbing kind that makes one question their own existence.

When Kakashi speaks, Sakura is glad. Both of them were on the verge of getting lost within themselves.

“So, Neji.”

“It's not like that.” Sakura does not mean to sound defensive, but it really isn't. She stopped being a little girl with dreams of romance and princes to come to her rescue a long time ago.

Kakashi raises his eyebrow, “I wasn't trying to say it was.”

“I know,” and Sakura _does_ know. It's just that she resents her past self’s idealized thinking and projected onto Kakashi’s words. “I’m sorry.”

He squeezes her shoulder in acceptance. They stand in comfortable silence for a while. This is the most either have spoken to each other in a long time, but they have grown closer in that time.

It only took Team Seven being ripped apart from the inside out for its remains to grow close.

.

Sakura lies in her bed for the first time in a while. Her mother kisses her forehead, a gesture that is much more appreciated now than before. Just a few months ago she would have thrown a fit about being treated like a child; she wishes she was still a child sometimes.

_But I was naïve. Would I really go back to when I thought that everything could be fixed for me? To when my stupid crush caused Naruto’s death?_

No, she could not in good conscience go back to before she learned how shinobi really lived. Even if she was given the chance to. She would only repeat the same mistakes all over again.

“I love you,” Sakura blinks away from her thoughts and remembers that her mother is there, leaning against the doorway. Alive.

( _Will my mother outlive me? Do all shinobi die young?_ )

“Love you too, mama.” Sakura tries not to think about the questions swirling around in her head.

.

Neji and Ino have become her closest friends out of Konoha’s genin teams. Neji understands and Ino tries to. They do not discuss Naruto or him, and they do not send her pitying looks. It is more than she expected.

Training with them is hard, because one has a Clan-Jutsu and the other a kekkei genkai. When there are no blind spots and staying still for too long means an instant loss, Sakura is always panting by the time it's over. Of course, her friends ( _friends, it seemed impossible not too long ago_ ) go after each other also, but she is at a natural disadvantage.

It motivates her to work harder, be faster, be smarter. She has a promise to uphold, after all.

.

“What are you going to do when we find him?” Kakashi appears in a flutter of leaves. He is holding his copy of ‘Icha Icha Violence- in one hand, but the book is closed and at his side. His eye is half closed, but Sakura has long since learned to read his expressions.

_When? We? Kakashi-sensei has more confidence in me than I do._

She shrugs. “Fight him, drag him back…”

Sakura has no clue. The plan is not a plan, but a hope.

There is no strategy there and it reminds her of Naruto’s habit of following his heart, leaving his mind to trail behind. A pang in her chest is normal nowadays, still painful but more of an ache lately. When she thinks on that, it becomes sharp as chakra scalpels again.

“I don't know either.” Kakashi admits in a soft tone, and Sakura almost starts from hearing her ever-assured sensei expressing doubt. She knows that he is as human as the rest of them ( _and they're all so_ human _that it hurts_ ), but the famous Sharingan no Kakashi was always larger than life, before. Now he hurts and bleeds and hopes like the rest of them.

It is both terrifying and a comfort to Sakura.

Legends are not born; they make themselves.

( _They destroy themselves._ )

She never wants to be a legend.

 

.

Shizune sits down, hands lying neatly on her lap. There are herbs and various liquids in front of her. The small fire in the room gives the scene a haunting look, with shadows streaking across the walls and in unnatural shapes. It is calm though; Sakura has learned to sense danger and nothing here is meant to harm her.

“We can't have any light that isn't made with jutsu,” Shizune gestures towards the flame, “Otherwise this will end up useless.”

She is more serious than usual, her tone heavy and calm. Sakura pays extra mind to what Shizune has laid before them. The plants are all fairly local, and she even recognizes a few that are edible. They will not be after this lesson, she is sure.

Shizune picks up a mortar and pestle and starts working, making sure that Sakura can see what herbs she is grinding. “Pay close attention. If you do this wrong, your target might survive.”

.

By the end of the night, Sakura has a pack of toxic senbon and only a small vial of antidote.

.

She learns how to heal and destroy from Tsunade.

She learns about poisons and blood from Shizune.

She learns how to be competent in using her skills from Kakashi.

She learns how to kill from nobody but herself.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [We're the ones left](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11633892) by [hanareader](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanareader/pseuds/hanareader)
  * [Little Agonies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12137244) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)




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